Just for Youth...
Don't You Trust Me?
Why would we care whether our parents trust us or not?
By Sarah Swenson
I don't know about you, but I can't seem to get
away with anything. It's like my parents have this radar that tells them
when I've done something wrong. Of course I do get away with a few things,
but 8 out of 10 times I get caught. Maybe parents have a sixth sense given
to them when their first child is born.
When I do something wrong, it can break trust. Broken trust takes a
long time to rebuild.
Why would we care whether our parents trust us or not? Well, one reason
is freedom. Most teens want to be able to go out with friends, date, talk
on the phone, do things their own way. Parents are a lot more likely to
give us our freedom if they trust us.
We all break trust in some way, even as little kids. I've done some
stupid things that got me into trouble, and now I wish I'd handled them
better. I remember one time when I was about 5 I was spending the night at
my best friend's house. Anne's parents had just bought her a water bed,
and I thought it was just the neatest thing.
After we'd gone to bed we decided we were thirsty. Neither one of us
wanted to get up and go to the kitchen, so I came up with a brilliant
idea. We peeled off the sheets and mattress pad, and bit two tiny holes in
the plastic covering. We put our mouths over the holes and sucked up water
that tasted like chlorine. This was much more fun than drinking out of a
glass.
Our only problem was that we couldn't close the holes up again no
matter how hard we tried to squeeze the plastic. As the water slowly
leaked out, I started thinking that maybe this wasn't such a good idea
after all. Of course, Anne's parents found out. At first they were afraid
we'd been poisoned by the chemicals. But we hadn't drunk much, and we were
fine.
I didn't tell my parents when I got home. I was too ashamed that we had
ruined Anne's new bed. That was a mistake. Not telling was almost as bad
as lying to my parents. Anne's parents ended up telling them. Then my
parents made me go back and help patch it up.
I remember crying as I helped smooth the shiny silver tape over the two
holes. I was so embarrassed! It all seems funny now, but at the time it
was a major crisis.
It's not easy dealing with your parents when you've broken their trust.
But, yes, it can be done. I'm not talking about groveling and
sweet-talking them into forgiveness. I'm talking about getting them to
respect you again.
How can you rebuild trust and respect? Here are some ways that work for
me, points I've learned from my parents.
I find it easy to make the mistake of not telling my parents things
I've done wrong, hoping they won't find out. There are lots of reasons I
don't tell them:
- I don't want to get into trouble.
- I don't want them to be disappointed or get mad at me.
- I don't want to lose their trust.
- I don't think they will ever find out.
And the list goes on and on. But usually they find out somehow, and
then I am in hot water. Of course, even if Mom and Dad never find out, God
knows. And I know.
My parents have helped me see why it might actually be in my best
interest to tell them. I'm serious. Think about it. Most parents will
respect you more for coming to them and telling them yourself. Doing so
shows honesty, responsibility and maturity. Those are elusive qualities
that parents love. If you can't tell them face-to-face, you might try
writing a note.
Also, if you don't tell them yourself, that leaves you a target for
gossip and hearsay. Mom and Dad might hear something you have done in a
version blown way out of proportion. Wouldn't you like to give them your
side of the story first?
So, when I blow it, I try to tell my parents, and I usually get into a
lot less trouble than I would have otherwise.
When your parents find out about your mistakes, try not to justify your
actions. This only makes things worse and proves to them you haven't
learned your lesson. Then you're usually in for a lecture. This happens to
me all the time, especially when it comes to getting ready in the morning.
I have to admit that I'm probably one of the slowest people to get
ready. This drives my mom crazy. She can shower, dry and fix her hair,
apply makeup and put on clothes in 15 or 20 minutes. She doesn't
understand why I can't do the same thing. I've tried explaining (I call it
explaining, not justifying) to her why I'm always late. I tell her I am
not a morning person; I accidentally slept late. My hair takes longer to
dry and style. I couldn't find my shoes. You know how it is. We make
excuses, and they lecture.
Try agreeing with them for once. Yes, it may shock them into a heart
attack, but take the risk. When they harass you about a bad habit, or find
out about a mistake you made, don't talk. Listen. Say yes, ma'am, or yes,
sir, once in a while, and say you're sorry. Then, if you want to tell them
your reasoning, calmly say something like. "Could I explain why I . . .?"
If they say no, save it. GN
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