Just for Youth...
Virginity: Is It Worth It?
Many people mistakenly think everyone is having sex before marriage,
but the facts show otherwise—with good cause.
by Ken Treybig
We live in a Nike world—a "just do it" society, to
borrow the advertising slogan. This phrase has become part of everyday
language for many Americans. And, in some cases, it is good advice.
For example, instead of getting overly uptight about whether a school
report will be perfect and procrastinating about getting it started—just
do it. Write the report and be finished with the project. Or instead of
complaining about some chore around the house that you don't particularly
like—just do it. The job will be finished that much sooner, and
you can go about whatever else you want to do.
But is "just do it" good advice in all cases? Consider the
matter of sex. Much of the entertainment media in the Western world implies
or plainly tells us that sex is for everyone, at any time. Movies and
television shows usually depict illicit sex between unmarried people as
common or expected.
The lyrics of many modern songs carry the same message. Sex sells, and
the message is that having sex with anyone you love—or think you
love—is perfectly acceptable. The idea that sex should be reserved
for marriage is looked down on as an outdated notion held by religious
people who are missing out on something good. The slogan seems to be "just
do it" when you want and don't worry about whether or not
you are married.
If you listen to the entertainment world, you might also get the impression
that everyone is "doing it." After all, Hollywood producers
often say they are only mimicking true life. And all too often young people
fall for that lie. They can begin to feel embarrassed by not being experienced
sexually—by being a virgin.
Word meanings change
It's funny sometimes how fluid the English language is. Words take
on different connotations over time, depending on the prevailing actions
and attitudes of the day.
The word virgin has experienced that shift. The Random House
Unabridged Dictionary says virgin means a person who has never had
sexual intercourse. It also lists many other meanings for the word—including
pure, first, not exploited or not previously used. These all have the
connotation of something that is beautiful and of the highest quality.
Yet society often views being a virgin in the area of sex as out of date
or bad. How ironic!
If you believe in God, then you probably understand that He is the one
who created human beings—and therefore also the Creator of our sexuality.
Genesis 1:27 says that "God created man in His own image; in the
image of God He created him; male and female He created them." Sexuality
was no surprise to God. He designed it and intended people to reproduce
and populate this planet, having mastery over all its living creatures.
The next chapter gives some details of how God created a man and then
created a woman from one of the man's ribs. Thereupon God established
marriage, explaining, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and
mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh"
(Genesis 2:24). As the New Testament later explains, marriage is to be
honorable (Hebrews 13:4).
The rest of the book of Genesis shows it was pretty clear to most people
in early ages that it was wrong for a person to have sex with someone
other than his or her spouse. When God wrote His law on stone tablets
for ancient Israel, He included a statement about being sexually involved
only with your spouse.
It is the seventh of the Ten Commandments (see Exodus 20:14; Deuteronomy
5:18).
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus taught that you don't have to
carry out the actual act to commit adultery—all you have to do is
look lustfully at someone and wish you could have sex with that person
and you've already broken God's commandment in spirit (Matthew
5:27). Our Western society has gone way past the looking stage in the
illicit sexual activity it condones and encourages.
Why restrict sex?
It's very natural to ask why God gave such strict instructions
about the use of sex.
If He created it, surely He knows how enjoyable it can be. So why does
He restrict sex to marriage? Let's examine two passages—one
in the Old Testament and one in the
New Testament.
Proverbs 6:32 says, "So one who commits adultery is a senseless
fool: he dishonours the woman and ruins himself" (Revised English
Bible). Those are pretty strong words about the real-life consequences
of sex outside of marriage.
Notice that the teaching of God has not changed in the New Testament.
In 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 Paul says: "Run away from sexual sin! Any
other sin which a person might do is outside his body, but if a person
commits a sexual sin, he is sinning against his own body. Surely you realize
that your body is a temple sanctuary? You have the Holy Spirit from God.
The Holy Spirit is inside you—in the temple sanctuary. You don't
belong to yourselves. You were bought; you cost something. Use your body
to give glory to God!" (Simple English Version).
Both of these passages point out that there are negative consequences
for sexual sins.
These scriptures show why God gives the instruction He does about sex.
He only wants the best for us, and sex outside of marriage will turn out
to be bad for us.
The next question that might arise is, "What specifically are those
negative consequences?" The last passage quoted shows there are
clearly spiritual consequences. God is not pleased when we misuse the
wonderful gifts He has given us, and our relationship with Him will suffer.
For those who want to please God and appreciate the awesome sacrifice
of Jesus Christ, this alone should be plenty to make us determine we don't
ever want to disappoint God by misusing sex.
However, there are other aspects of the negative consequences that are
perhaps more visible or noticeable. In the United States, the "free
love" approach began in earnest during the 1960s. What has been
the fruit of some 40 years of promiscuity?
Divorces have skyrocketed to the point that there is a divorce for every
two new marriages, and sexually transmissible diseases (STDs) have run
rampant. The consequences of STDs range from irritation, embarrassment,
sterility and lifelong pain to death, especially in the case of AIDS.
Teens' shifting attitudes toward sex
Apparently the warning message is starting to get through to more young
people today. The CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention) released
a report in September 2002 that indicates more young people are saying,
"let's not" when it comes to matters of sex.
It notes that between 1991 and 2001, the number of high school students
who say they have never had sexual intercourse increased by 8.5 percent.
The same report shows that well over half (54.4 percent) of all high school
students have never had sexual intercourse. They have rejected the "just
do it" mantra and the percentage tells us there are more virgins
than nonvirgins. Perhaps young people are realizing that being a virgin
means there are fewer emotional heartaches as well as freedom from worry
about STDs.
Sex creates a strong emotional bond—as God designed it to. If that
bond is created with someone other than a spouse, the odds are extremely
high that at some point it will be broken—resulting in deep emotional
pain and suffering. Following God's laws will help people avoid
that pain.
It's interesting that the same report says that 67 percent of high
school students are not currently sexually active. That means some have
had sex in the past, but are no longer sexually active. There are obviously
many young people who have made mistakes in the area of sex, but have
stopped. Sometimes after making a mistake in this area
people get discouraged or even depressed.
It is easy for them to reason that since they cannot turn back the clock,
they may as well just keep on being sexually active.
Choosing "second virginity"
This logic is faulty because God always allows us to repent and change.
If you've made a mistake, why heap on more negative consequences
by continuing illicit sexual activity? It makes much more sense to repent—to
ask God to forgive you and determine to remain sexually pure from then
on until marriage when you will be able to experience the true joys of
sexual love with God's richest blessings.
Some have used the term "second virginity" to describe such
a situation and to encourage people who have made a mistake that it truly
is worth the effort. God will forgive, so there is no reason to keep heaping
on more negative consequences.
God's instructions are infinitely logical and sound. They provide
correct information, rather than what the entertainment industry portrays.
Remaining a virgin has wonderful blessings—physical, emotional and
spiritual. Perhaps it's time we shifted the meaning of that word
back toward something that is beautiful and of the highest quality.
Entering marriage as a virgin shows that a person has chosen to remain
pure and unexploited for his or her future mate. And if someone has already
made a mistake in this area, "second virginity" will bring
blessings from that point forward. The past cannot be undone, but there
will not be any additional negative consequences.
God definitely knows what He's talking about. Virginity is worth
it. Don't let anyone deceive you into thinking it is not—or
that "everyone" is having sex. Don't be fooled by movies
or soap operas. Married people, true to their partners, are the ones who
really experience the intimate joys of God's gift of sex. GN
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