What Happens When Fathers Are Not Around?

In Western societies more children than ever are growing up without a father. In fact, recent U.S. census figures indicate approximately one out of every four children grow up without a father and half will be raised in a one-parent family at some point. But does this mean mothers who rear their children without a father are doomed to failure?

Not at all, answers Dr. Kyle Pruett. It "does not doom fatherless or under-fathered kids. It does mean that we must support single mothers in their struggle to provide caring male relationships for their kids. And it means we can alert these mothers to the hunger in their kids for such relationships if their own hunger has been somehow damaged or wounded, tempting them to close the gate after their kids" (Fatherneed, p. 14).

Single mothers, divorced mothers and widows with children face a tremendous challenge. Many certainly do rear wonderful children, but they face significant odds to overcome. "Fatherless kids are more prone to depression than kids with a father, are twice as likely to be school dropouts, do less well and are more violent when in school, abuse more drugs, are more criminally active, try (and succeed at) suicide more often, and are at high risk for becoming teenage parents themselves" (p. 158).

What are some of the ways single moms can beat the odds? Here are a few:

• Don't try to be everything to the child, just be the best of what you can be.

• Identify male role models, such as brothers, fathers, male friends, church leaders and neighbors who are competent and willing to take the children along on errands and outings.

• Involve children in activities led by good men—coaches, religious leaders, Big Brothers, etc.—so they get a good dose of masculine attitude and conduct.

• Don't demean the role of men in general just because of bad experiences with men.

• Actively support the child's proper interest in men.

• Strive to have a positive relationship with men so the children will see the benefits of correct masculinity.

• Surround yourself with all the support you can—emotional, physical, social and spiritual.

• Be positive—don't let loneliness, bitterness and isolation take root.

(For more information, see "What Does It Take to Be a Successful Single Parent,")

All of us also have a responsibility to help out the widows (single mothers included) and orphans (who, according to the Bible, include the fatherless) with their physical and emotional needs. As Scripture beautifully puts it, "Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world" (James 1:27). GN