Who and What Is Shaping You?

by Clyde Kilough, Church president

Not long ago I read, and then passed on to my father, a captivating history of our family's Scottish and Irish ancestors. Upon completing it, Dad said something to me that fueled a long conversation. "Now I get it!" he marveled. "I finally see, in the story of these people, so much of why I am the way I am!"

In light of the actions and antics of our long-dead forefathers, we could not deny seeing how we came to inherit certain family traits. Admittedly, depending on the nature of the insight, these traits can make you swell with pride one moment and burn with embarrassment the next!

One doesn't always expect to unearth such a personal mirror in the annals of a history book, but life surprises us like that. In sundry ways we steadily discover how our lives have been so greatly influenced by the cultures, teachings, behaviors, personalities and choices of the people who influenced us to one degree or another.

Passing on to my dad a good history book was only a small favor in return. After all, the one thing that shaped my life more than any other was a history book that my parents gave to me when I was a child. More about that in a moment, but first, back to the influences on our lives.

It is certainly enlightening, and maybe at times almost scary, to comprehend the power other people have had over our lives. But sooner or later we realize that we, too, wield this power over others—especially those of us who are parents.

All of these thoughts and memories were triggered by a simple but crucial statement I read in this issue's lead article on page 4: "As a parent, you should realize that whether or not you help your children build their future, their future will be shaped by someone."

Jerold Aust's article "How Can You Help Your Child Succeed? compellingly explains why your children are counting on you to be the strongest, most positive influence in their lives.

But who, and what, is shaping you? Where have your child development ideas, philosophies and tactics come from? What are the short—, intermediate—and long-term results you want to see in your child in the areas of character, personality, education and morality? What is your plan for producing those traits? What is shaping how you will shape your children?

Any parents seriously searching for advice on these fundamental questions soon discover the sad reality that even the "experts" trying to influence the way we rear our children contradict one another!

That's why, if you really want to be a good parent, I recommend as a foundational book the one I mentioned earlier, the one my parents gave me. I said it's a history book, but it's much more. It's also the ultimate family and child development book. It's a profound psychology book. It's a character education book and a book of wisdom. It is a book that explains all about family. After all, its author is our ultimate Father, the Creator God. That book is the Bible.

Making God the most powerful force in your life is the key to building a strong family. Don't put Him off. The day will come when your children are sufficiently mature and will begin to take stock of their lives and identify their major influences. When they do, those whose parents were shaped by God's Word will stand a much greater chance of looking back with gratitude, accomplishment and success. GN